Nirvana
by porcelainphaser
Summary: nirvana – a place characterized by freedom from oblivion, pain, worry and the outside world. Slow-building K/S set pre-Into Darkness.
1. Chapter 1

Tropicus Sol was an immensely hot planet, resembling a giant rainforest edged by waves of pale sand, hovering on the edge of the Xiatian system as if it was not entirely sure it was supposed to be there. It was lit all year round by a pair of two suns, burning with golden-orange energy that sent rays of scorching heat cascading down onto the planet like waterfalls of light. The planet was especially beautiful during its monsoon season, when the relentless, bullet-hard raindrops caught the suns' glow and played patterns across the thick foliage.

There was nothing particularly remarkable about Tropicus Sol – plenty of planets had multiple suns, and huge rainforests, and an all-year-round tropical climate. It was beautiful, but so were a lot of the planets that James T Kirk had seen. It was, he decided, entirely unextraordinary.

Until today.

Until today, when immense spikes of energy – energy alien to the planet's environment – practically blasted apart the USS _Enterprise_'s scanners, tearing a hole directly down the middle of the monotony the crew had endured for the past three weeks. A big bang in the silent vacuum of the bridge.

"Captain," said Spock, his urgent tone a drastic departure from his usually calm voice, "we're picking up vast energy readings from a planet within the Xiatian system, approximately three point four away."

With those words – the first Spock had spoken since he arrived on the bridge – a rush of emotion ran through Jim's body, and it felt like his internal organs were crashing into each other as he looked over at his science officer's station. "Can you pinpoint the source, Mr Spock?"

"It's definitely one of the outer planets, sir," replied Spock, not looking up from his scanners. "It appears to be Tropicus Sol."

"That's a rainforest planet, sir," offered Sulu from the helm. "Very similar to rainforests on Earth.." his voice trailed off.

The corner of Jim's mouth flicked up in a smile. "Any sentient life?"

"None recorded sir."

"Thank you, Mr Sulu. Mr Chekov, lay in a course for Tropicus Sol. Warp factor three," Jim directed, and Chekov practically launched himself at the controls – a combination of enthusiasm and the fact they'd barely done anything for three weeks straight. "Spock, with me," he continued, pressing his finger to the shipwide communicator at his chair arm. "Will Dr McCoy and ensigns Chang and Flores report to the transporter room," he commanded, rising from the chair as the beginnings of the landing party strode into the turbolift.

Displaying the characteristic efficiency that set the _Enterprise _crew apart, Bones and both the young ensigns were already in the transporter room by the time Jim, Spock and Sulu arrived, Flores looking eagerly at Spock with unmistakable puppy dog eyes that gave her the air of a lovesick teenager. Oblivious, he walked past her, unblinking.

"Some mission this is," moaned Bones from behind Jim.

"What, you're telling me you aren't into inexplicable energy surges?" grinned Jim, turning to his friend.

"What I'm telling you is that the god damn hobgoblin's getting more action than any of us!" Bones replied, and as if on cue, Uhura shot into the transporter room.

By now, everyone on the _Enterprise_ was accustomed to the ritual that took place between Uhura and Spock whenever one was beaming anywhere the other wasn't. They were also accustomed to the ridiculously long amount of time they spent kissing and cuddling on the transporter pad, whispered promises of return and faithfulness.

Well, nearly everyone.

Jim turned away instinctively as Spock embraced Uhura, whispering words meant only for her. He wondered what it felt like, to be held close by those arms, for those lips to tickle against your ear with words only you could hear. How it felt to be wanted, needed, loved by Spock.

He imagined it was him, not Uhura, standing there, pressed close against Spock's chest, his hands running gently over cheek and neck and shoulder, fingers playing fondly with hair, combing and smoothing it, pressing his lips against the Vulcan's ––

He felt a hand against his shoulder. "You okay, kid?" Bones asked, smiling weakly at Jim, who shook his head vigorously to snap out of it.

"Yeah. Yes." They stepped onto the transporter pad together, and Jim was sure he could feel Spock's eyes on him the whole way. "Reid?" he looked to the ensign operating the transporter. "Beam us down."

The landing party was met with a powerful wall of heat upon arrival, the humidity instantly smashing into them. The air was thick, and Jim caught the edge of an intense floral smell on the dense breeze.

"A nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere, Captain," said Spock. "Remarkably similar to Earth. Breathing should not be difficult."

Jim nodded. "Any major landscapes? Animal colonies we should avoid?"

"I do not believe so, Captain, though there are several species – predominantly in jungle areas. No recorded intelligent life."

Jim turned to the other members of the party. "Bones, Flores, Chang – I want you up the coast. No more than a mile into jungle. See if you can find anything that doesn't belong here.

The effect on them was instantaneous and predictable. Flores's face fell, presumably from being split up from Spock, and Bones instantly rounded on Jim, his brow creased in frustration.

"Jim, you need a medical officer with you! I'm not letting–"

"Mr McCoy," Spock interrupted smoothly, "I believe I have sufficient medical training should anything happen to the captain."

"Oh, oh good, and if something happens to you? What if you fall off a cliff, or get attacked by some bloodthirsty jungle creature? We could find your dehydrated corpses a few hours from now, half-eaten somewhere!" snapped Bones, sending a deathly glare at Spock.

Jim had a sneaking suspicion Bones was trying to make sure he wasn't left alone with Spock. This was the dynamic of their relationship: throwing insults at each other, arguing for the sake of arguing, but with affection at its heart. The arguments themselves were usually caused by Bones's protectiveness of Jim, and Jim's desire to be left alone, unhindered by medical supervision and the constant threat of a hypo to the neck if his behaviour approached recklessness.

"Relax, Bones, we'll be fine. Spock's got me to protect him," replied Jim, grinning. "Report back to me every fifteen minutes, okay? I don't want to be planetside when it gets dark," he instructed them, and as the words came, they summoned images of oversized jungle insects and carnivorous animals with huge claws and gaping mouths filled with rows of fangs.

He imagined the fangs dipped in green blood, and resolved not to let Spock out of his sight.

"Remember, we're looking for something – anything – that could've created energy that doesn't belong here. Keep your phasers set to––"

"Stun," Spock jumped in, quirking a brow when Jim looked at him frustratedly. "It's only logical, captain. There may be creatures of scientific interest. The information on life on this planet is very limited. We may be able to contribute to scientific studies on the system."

Obviously.

**~A/N~**

**So in case you hadn't guessed, Jim is pretty in love with Spock. Spock's with Uhura. Things aren't going great for the captain.**

**I'm a massive Trek fan but this is my first fic so please bear with me while I get used to writing the characters. Also, I've not got a beta so I've reread and checked this over about three times so if any spelling/grammar mistakes got through please let me know.**

**Rated M for later chapters + profanity - chapter two very soon! **


	2. Chapter 2

Within an hour, Jim had begun to bitterly regret not preparing better for the tropical climes of the planet. His uniform clung to him and he could feel sweat pooling at his neck and underarms. The heat pressed down on them like a constant, immense weight, as they struggled through the heavy air, which was thick with tiny, swarming bugs. Well, as Jim struggled through. Spock was seemingly unhindered by the heat, and hadn't even begun to sweat.

Jim scowled as he pushed his sleeves further up his arms. "Don't tell me," he panted, "that Vulcans can't feel heat."

Spock turned around. "Vulcan is a desert planet, captain," he explained. "Furthermore, we do not possess sweat glands."

"Don't possess sweat glands," Jim repeated irritably under his breath.

"Correct, captain," Spock answered, "do you need more water?"

"Bones should've commed us by now," said Jim, quickly changing the subject. He flicked his communicator out and flipped it open. "McCoy? Come in, McCoy. Come in."

He was met with unbroken silence. The communicator didn't even pick up any static.

"McCoy!" Jim repeated urgently. "Bones!" he clicked it onto a different channel. "Enterprise, this is Captain Kirk. Come in, Enterprise. Come _in_."

"Captain," offered Spock, raising an eyebrow. "It appears communication is out."

"Thanks, I hadn't noticed."

"I was merely––"

"Yeah, I know, Spock, but – shit, that means we're stuck here."

Here, currently, was a mass of leaves and damp green moss, oceans of twisted vines and knotted branches waving over their feet. Ferns, with fronds like fingers that seemed to move independently, clutched out at Jim and Spock, and the entire area was dappled with blue-white sunlight that played patterns across the foliage. The air smelt of some strange, alien citrus fruit, sharp scents that cut Jim's senses. And the _heat: _the heat was inescapable. It felt like everything – the plants and flowers and air – radiated blazing, burning heat.

Another thing Jim had begun to bitterly regret was isolating himself with Spock. It is general practice for anyone in love to spend as much time as possible with the subject of their infatuation, but Jim felt like his heart was caving in on itself.

Every second he spent with Spock was a reminder he'd never have him.

"Captain, I estimate that it will become dark in approximately three point eight hours. It would be logical to find a sheltered area and a water source," said Spock, picking up his regular, five-steps-ahead pace again.

"Shelter," sighed Jim, thinking of his quarters back on the _Enterprise_. "Yeah."

Slowly, the jungle around them cleared and gave way to clearings edged with large, fleshy flowers that towered at least six feet above the ground and, like every other plant nearby, grew in clouds of powerful musky scent.

Jim paused to smell one. "Huh. Pretty nice." He turned to Spock. "Spock, c'mere, come smell this,"

"Vulcans gain no pleasure from the scent of plants, Captain. It does not trigger the emotional response as it does in humans."

"Well, I like it," responded Jim, rolling his eyes playfully. He plucked one of the blooms from its stalk and twirled it between his fingers. "Wonder what it's called?"

"I believe if we take a specimen back to the ship Mr Sulu will be able to identify it."

"Good old Sulu," sighed Jim. A sudden serious expression crossed his face and his brows knotted together in worry. "We are going to get back to the ship, Spock," he said firmly, more for his benefit than the science officer's.

"Affirmative, Captain," answered Spock, but though it was subtle, Jim heard the doubt in his voice.

It suddenly struck Jim that – despite the calm, expressionless exterior Spock wore – he was just as emotional as any other member of the _Enterprise _crew, maybe even more so with that war waging in his mind. Jim imagined half his heart full with emotions and dreams and desires, and the other dull and grey and logical, devoted to reason and learning and understanding.

Unfortunately, thinking so much about it only deepened his affection for Spock.

"Captain? Are you alright?"

Jim realised he hadn't moved, or spoken, for several minutes, and Spock's voice jolted him back to reality. "Yeah. Yeah! Of course. Come on, we need to find shelter. God, I hope Bones and the others are okay." He considered it briefly, then added: "And stop calling me captain. It's Jim."

Spock frowned. "Jim."

"Yeah," Jim said, walking past him. "That's my name, remember?"

He strode through the clearing into the labyrinthine forest on the other side, leaving Spock standing silent.

Bones was seconds away from throwing his communicator to the ground in frustration. For half an hour they'd been trying to get through to someone – anyone – but not one channel was working. They were surrounded on all sides by wild, unbounded jungle and hadn't seen another living thing save for plants and insects since the landing party had split up. Bones turned to Flores and Chang, who were looking at him worriedly.

"Nothing?" asked Chang.

He sighed. "Nothing. Not a damn thing."

"Sir, if we're stuck here for the night –" Chang stopped abruptly, folding her hands into the red skirt of her uniform. It struck Bones how she couldn't be older than twenty-five, how both of the ensigns he was working with were barely out of their teens. A great rush of sentimentality ran through Bones, and he promised silently to himself he'd look after them.

"Don't worry," he told her, attempting a reassuring smile. "We'll be back on the ship well before nightfall."

Except, with the heavy curtains of fleshy leaves and flowers hanging overhead, it already felt like night. Barely any sunlight could penetrate the strong covering, and the brightest light was the blue glow from their scanners.

And while there were worse planets to be stuck on – Quo'nos, or Tellar, or one inhabited by some other violent warmongering species – the prospect of spending sleepless nights with no shelter on a jungle planet crawling with alien insects wasn't particularly inviting.

"And it's not just that, Sir, we've been here for hours and we haven't found anything," Chang continued. "If we get stuck here and it's all for nothing—"

The sudden spunk in Chang's voice took Bones by surprised, and he grinned at her. "Trust me, darlin, we'll find something. But for now we gotta find a water source, or at least some shelter. I'm not sleeping with bugs crawling all over me," he said. He noticed the other ensign standing motionless a few feet away, frowning.

"Flores?" he walked over to her. "How're you holding up?"

"They're okay, aren't they, Sir?" she asked. "Spock? And the captain?"

"Oh, I'd say they're more than okay. Stuck on a planet with no communications and an undiscovered alien energy source? I can't say much for Spock but the Captain's living the dream, darlin'," he told her, more to convince himself than anything else. "Come on, we need somewhere to sleep before some goddamn alien disease gets us all."

Flores nodded, and though her brow was still creased with worry, there was determination spreading across her features. "Okay, sir."

The three of them walked forward into the dark mesh of foliage, and it struck Bones that while he was trapped in a huge rainforest, there were no pleasanter people to be trapped with.

Flores nodded, with mock determination, and the three of them moved forward through the dark mesh of jungle.

**~A/N~**

**Okay, the next chapter is DEFINITELY going to be intense.**

**I'm not as sure about this one (Bones's dialogue feels kind of awkward?) but I love writing all the Kirk/Spock scenes. I feel so sorry for Jim.**

**Reviews/follows/faves are very appreciated3**


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